Vision of a heretic
Scrolling through the timeline on LinkedIn. Reading the various contributions, an indefinable itchy feeling of outside versus inside very often comes to me. An outside that is far removed from the inside. And very occasionally something comes along that is not about outer appearance or wanting to present yourself with something that ultimately only benefits the person posting it. The urge to prove your worth. I know, these are pretty firm words. But it's not personal. It's what it does to me and how I experience it in my body. And I do it myself. Am no better and don't pretend to be....
It has become a crazy world. And not so much become, in fact it always was. The world of not-self. Of not actually being yourself but going along with the masses because in that way you expect to get a piece of the pie and move up the socially preformed, uniform ladder. Nothing wrong with that, but I actually find it distressing. And contradictory. Because we have our mouths full of diversity. We have even developed a kind of flag for it, full of colors and symbols with which we should ALL identify. That ALLOWING yourself to be yourself is something you MUST identify with. And that you only become yourself when you first examine whether you are in the right body. That is actually the exact opposite, isn't it? You ARE only yourself. You cannot BECOME yourself.
I am aware that it is the power of the Collective. The Program we are all in. And also that this is something you have to deal with and you cannot escape it. In fact, I know that I should not want to escape from it either, because then I am on the path of Mind. Then I am letting myself be carried away by the Mind that thinks I should escape from it completely. My Mind would say, "You are a heretic, aren't you? A rebel? Someone who can express herself in a way where you can completely shatter people who believe in something? And you can do that so well, can't you? So why don't you do it?"....
The Power of the Mind
Bringing the chatter in my mind back to where it is (which is in a vacuum, as something I can observe but make no decisions in) and feeling what my body is telling me (do I like it or not?) is how I get back on track in my life as Self. And in that experiment, it's really good to regularly scroll through the timeline on LinkedIn. Because then I see how powerful the Mind is. How unimaginably present it wants and can be in judging, finding something, trying to pull me into something and enticing me to do something based on that.
That "doing something" is so incredibly deeply rooted in my genetic construct. Immediately moving into action when I can respond to something. And this action, manifesting something, I can shape that in different ways. Either by using my voice and trying to convince everyone of one thing or another, or by posting a response to every article that evokes in me my heretical character. I might have done that pre Human Design. But now, now I choose a different form of manifestation. I write. I run my fingers over the keyboard and see what comes out. I see the heresy appear before my eyes. And then know that what comes out is really what I feel. What I stand for. And sometimes I publish it and sometimes I don't.
Dancing to the music of life
An individual human being is melancholic by nature. Creativity arises when melancholy is embraced and accepted. I surrender to the feeling of melancholy and write down what comes to me in that pulse energy. It is a wonderful way of processing. The most beautiful pieces of music are written in melancholy. In the space between the notes. Dancing to the music of life. In the moment, in the now.