A while ago, one of my daughters (I am mom of identical twins of eleven years) came to us while my husband and I were in the bathroom chatting about the day. We had had a hospital visit which had gone from appointment to appointment and we talked about that some more. He also told me that he had had a very special and beautiful conversation with his mother that day. So actually it was just a beautiful conversation about life and being grateful.
Our daughter, came in with a story. She told us that she had been sitting at the table with Grandpa today and Grandpa choked and as a result had a coughing fit. "One of those that you have too daddy, where you can't stop coughing and then I don't know what to do. And I notice that coughing then triggers a little panic attack for me. And that I have a trauma on that. Because I just don't know what to do then". Then she began to cry.
At that moment, something happens in my body. I feel that I immediately want to go to the rescue. Want to get up, comfort her, tell her that none of this is true and that it will all be okay. But that's not what I did. I let her talk. She needed to cry and I gave her the space to cry. To let go of that tension and to feel that it's okay to be there and that you don't have to hide it. My husband also participated in this so beautifully. Without involving himself in this, but by seeing her in it. By letting her words flow. Giving space for pain and sorrow. Being close and allowing space.
What an experience. In moments of sadness and emotion, you can feel happiness. And I think that is the most beautiful thing that can happen to you. Because I see life this way. As something that happens to you. And if you are able to make no value judgments about that, then you can actually live life as it is meant to be lived. Watching in all its manifestations and seeing how your body is a vehicle into which you have descended and which asks nothing of you but to let it do its work. Not wanting to regulate, control or influence it.
Then you can be intensely grateful.