"Practice what you preach"

Today I came across two posts telling me that as a psychologist/psychiatrist or coach it is important that you do what you say. Or in beautiful English also known as, "Practice what you preach." And I can only agree with that from my own coaching practice. Not because I think so, because what do I have to think about anything. That's not the issue here at all. But because from the energy that I carry myself and what I then see in the person I coach, mechanically I have to be able to justify it. 


I think coaching with integrity is incredibly important. And that makes me as a coach weigh very clearly in advance whether or not I'm going to meet someone live in terms of coaching. That may seem strange to read, because coaching is something you do live, right? Yes, it is pre-eminently something that is done 1-on-1. And before Human Design came into my life, I would have absolutely agreed with this. The attention to the other person, the way you communicate with each other, the respect for the time the other person invests in you (and vice versa) and the appreciation that can be felt back and forth.




I look at this differently now. The reason I look at this differently is because I now know my own design and therefore know in which I influence others when we are in an intimate 1-on-1 setting. The moment I am in the presence of someone else, I can never really SEE the other person. Because then I am no longer myself and thus influenced by the other person's conditioning, but also because then the other person is no longer fully himself because of the conditioning I bring with me. 


The moment two people are together (note that this also applies to relationships), a new form of energy is created that makes two people one new creature. So the fusion of two personalities into an invisible new energy form. "Oooooh, this is all so woolly again Mary, I give up". That is allowed of course. But consider yourself. How are you with one person and how are you with the other? If you look at this very openly and honestly. Then if all goes well, there is a real difference in that. And that is not because you change yourself, but that is because you are influenced, rather conditioned, by the other person coming into your energy field with you.


When I work with clients that I'm going to coach, I tailor my offering to the client. That is, I look at their design and in that I include whether it can be a 1-on-1 session, or not. Because I want to coach with integrity. I want to see the other person as they really are and have them experience and feel that for themselves. And in many cases that can be done better online than 1-on-1. Because then you are not conditioned. 


A practical example to explain this. I have an ego, willpower. Many people (65%) of the population don't have that. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. It just says that you don't have to prove yourself to others. That you are good enough. What a wonderful message to give someone. But as soon as someone comes to me in a 1-on-1 session, they feel my willpower. And even reinforces it. So what does that look like practically? 


Suppose I help someone stop smoking. Nice goal right? I have the willpower to quit smoking. I have never smoked, but I have done some serious nail biting and snacking and in fact those are addictions too. Certainly sugar is just addictive. I stopped nail biting as well as stopped snacking. Period. Just because I wanted to. So my ad (or sales pitch) would then be: 


"I can help you get rid of your smoking addiction, I did it this way and that way myself, so can you!". 


And so then in the 1-on-1 session it is very easy for that person to say, yes, I am absolutely going to quit smoking. I have that willpower and I can do it even better than you! 


Great, goal achieved. The person who wants to quit smoking feels the willpower with me and goes out with the promise that by the next appointment he or she has not yet smoked. In my presence, this person actually feels that down to their capillaries. And to reinforce it (because of course it has to be proven) we also write it down. "I, (name smoker) am going to quit smoking, I have the willpower to do that and I promise myself that I am going to make that happen."


Mary the coach settles the bill and we are both satisfied (it already gives me the creeps when I write this down, because my whole body says: 'no, that's not what you want to be!'. Fortunately, it's just an example).


Then the person who just made this firm appointment walks out the door feeling even more satisfied. But as soon as this person turns the corner, out of my energy that is, the willpower and feeling that was there in the 1-on-1 session has completely disappeared. And then when this person then passes by a supermarket, they step inside and buy themselves a pack of cigarettes and feel even more miserable than before.... 


I cannot bear to watch that. So I don't sell willpower to people, I make a deal based on integer, pure coaching, where possible 1-on-1, but mostly just online. Because I'm here to be pure in that. I'd rather not sell thin air. I've done that far too many times in my life without realizing it.


So, if you want really honest coaching, something that actually helps you move forward in your life, where I will also indicate what to expect and what not to expect, then you are very welcome to come into my practice. It opens your eyes, it gives you insights and it's not easy. 


"What you see is what you get." That's what it is. I don't let you float, I give you tools that you can work with, that you can practice practically, but something that suits you. Because being unique also means being treated uniquely. As a special, beautiful and authentic human being. We all are.