A phrase I heard roll right out of my mouth this afternoon as we sat at the table and the children returned from school. I am one of those mothers who enjoys eating together at the table. A moment of social and cosy together over an old-fashioned Dutch cheese sandwich. When I was little, my mother always had a cup of tea ready when I came home from school and we still used to eat at home at lunchtime. A continuous schedule did not exist back then. I took this ritual with me to my own family. Just sitting at the table together and being there for each other. When I was still in contract work, I didn't do that in the afternoon but I always tried to do it in the evening. A set table, phone off and just going through the day. 

Fries and a burger

This afternoon things went a little differently, as I got an app from my husband saying he wanted to send the kids to the supermarket after school with a list for fries and a burger in the airfryer. Since I'm not much of a chips and burger person and it would be a while before it would be lunch together, I went ahead and made myself a sandwich. Also fine.

Supermarket

My daughters, 11-year-old twins, were on class duty at school so they were 15 minutes late. And then when they were "finally home", "they had to go to the supermarket again". "Yes," my husband said, "but to pick up some nice things. If my mother used to ask that, I'd be on my bike before she even gave me the money". "Yeah yeah, we know that dad. And we really like doing it too, you know". This came out of my first daughter's mouth. The other one was still busy with something in the scullery so she hadn't picked up on it. And because she hadn't noticed that they still had to go to the supermarket, she had simply taken off her shoes, taken off her coat and was practically in her onesie when her sister said: "We have to go to the supermarket, did you take off your shoes? The face spoke volumes. "Huh? To the supermarket? Why? We have dance class later too, and the other day I wanted to go to the supermarket once and then it was too tight. And now we do have to go to the supermarket? What for then?". My husband looked at me with a look that many parents of teenagers will probably be familiar with. There was a brief explanation of why it had to be done and then, with the same face, she put her coat and shoes back on. And it was all done at the pace that suits them. They have their own pace those girls. Meanwhile, they also had to watch a movie on the phone and it dragged on and on. That was that moment when I heard myself saying, "Well will it be? Hurry up!". To which my husband also turned it on with a confirmation that this whole thing was complicated again.... And there they went. It takes a while, but then you have something.

Their own pace

When they were gone, my husband said to me: "Jeez, what a pace. It always has to be so complicated. Surely they can just quickly go to that shop and get those groceries? It's not that difficult, is it?" I said, "For us, it's not difficult. That's how we are programmed. That we have to get everything done as quickly as possible because then the pressure is off. Then we've had it and then it's settled. But that's because you and I have an undefined Root Centre and the girls don't. They have their own pace, they don't get hustled and they don't let the pressure get to them. They have their own pace and that's why this is going the way it's going. We can get pissed about that, or totally not understand it and we can even blame 'society' and 'those youngsters of nowadays' for this, but it's really in ourselves. We do it that way and the question is whether that is so blessedly true...". 

I see now, knowing my design and the design of my children and husband, that this is how it works. So I can look at it with much more peace and calmness. Observing it. And actually smile about it too. 

Adrenaline pressure

My body is not really comfortable with stress. Adrenaline is something my body says it would rather not do. And if it does have to, then deal with it as quickly as possible, because then I get rid of that pressure. It also ensures that I can handle and do all kinds of things like crazy. I can work very quickly. And that is the beauty of a non-fixed (undefined) way of dealing with stress. But what is important to recognize is that you don't do this fast work because you want to get rid of the pressure and think that it will then stay away. Because then you will come home from a rude awakening. Someone who does not have a fixed way of dealing with pressure and stress will always have challenges in coping with it. But it also causes you to see in others if they are stressed and don't realize it themselves, and it causes you to learn to distinguish between which stress is really worth getting rid of quickly and which is not. Because feeling stress and pressure is something you do yourself. You can't 'blame' another person for it. It is something of your own. And that is in fact with everything in life that comes your way. You are always present. 

Enlightened selfishness

The art of watching and observing your authentic self and the self that is expected of you or is being formed, allows you to deal with it more lovingly and gently. And that you get better and better at dealing with it. Because it really is possible to live with as less resistance as possible. It does take courage and guts to experiment and try it out. But every time you are validated that it is right for you, it makes it easier. Living is not always fun and certainly not always cosy and easy. But if you live as you are meant to live, you can see it as a life lesson and an experience that is unique and just for you. A form of self-awareness also known as 'Enlightened Selfishness'. And this state of being, is available to everyone. Nice, isn't it?

 

If you want to work with me, or you want to see for yourself how you are designed when it comes to dealing with stress, contact me. I'll see if I can do anything for you.